NICE CHIC OR GOOD WOMAN?

There is a question every single woman that has been in a couple of ‘potential relationships’ that for one reason or another fail to materialize asks themselves, I’m I just a good chic or a good woman?

How she will answer this question holds the key to understanding why some women seem to be husband magnets while others just have to keep holding out hope forever.

The answer in my mind is simple. While I don’t claim to be a master of this boy meets girl thing by any degree of the word, (there are those well versed with it much more than I); I do know one thing. When a man wants to settle down, he simply looks for a good woman.

Not a nice chic. Because while nice chics are just that, nice, a good woman is SAFE.

Nice chics are for going out, hanging out with, doing fun stuff, friendship and talk, and just do things with.

A good woman? That’s someone a guy wants to live life with

So, what’s the difference? I’m glad you asked.

First, let’s define marriage in a man’s language. And you may be surprised it’s not the usual relationship jargon and romantic lingo people keep ranting about.

When a man wants to settle down; he will simply go to the safest place on earth. The safest person and place that gives him a sense of sanity, stability, and an assurance from his fears. Where he knows he will be OK. Truth is, only one woman fits the bill. Because only one really did this for him. His Dear mama!

 I have a theory on men and their marriage choices; Every man is looking for his mama in the woman he wants to marry. And what mama gave him, He’s gonna look for in a woman he wants to live with.  Which is basically a sense of safety, stability and care. To men, marriage is a huge investment. He will invest his life’s work, emotions, love, money, future, kids… basically everything that holds his world together. And he ain’t gonna do that with a ‘risky’ woman. Nope. No way, hapana. Nada, Ah ah. Ain’t gonna happen.

Risk is for play, safe is for investment. Risky is for now, safe is for keeps. And the thing is, nice chic is a risky affair. At least to the jamaa on the street.

And, Marriage is an investment to any man. Sorry, but that’s how we process. That’s why men will flee their own home when the returns they expected, I’m talking love, respect, care, challenge, fulfillment and joy are taken out of the equation. He will hide himself in a career/job/woman…. Whatever else that ticks his fancy.

So let’s see what a nice chic is and is not. Ladies, and gentlemen, Lean forward. Ready? Go!

Nice Chic (Please notice what she is Not, that’s where the key lies)

1.       The ‘fun’ woman, she is spontaneous but not consistent

2.       She is the hip girl, not the homely one

3.       She is smooth, not gentle

4.       She is sensual, not charming

5.       She is pricey, not priceless

6.       She has power not influence

7.       She can make you feel, not feel you

8.       She is with you, not for you

9.       She’ll spend with your life, not life with you

10.   She loves you, not your world

And What she is not, is what makes a woman a good one. Good enough for a guy to sit back and think about you and him; (When he is weighing his options on who to go for-Yeah they all consider 3 or 4. Not just you alone!)

The paradox is, Most good women, will have the same qualities as the nice chic, no doubt... I mean, that’s a pretty obvious fact. However! The key to the good woman is what the nice chic is not.

Here’s the remix. The good woman is; consistent, homely, gentle, charming, priceless, influential, feels you, is for you, lives life with you, and loves and can handle your world. Period!

Got it? What the nice chic is not, the good woman is. And that, for men, is a HUGE deal.

Huge enough to cause a delay or even a change of mind when it comes to popping the question!

I’m just saying!

Posted  by Pastor Wa

Why Should Christians Wait For Marriage To Have Sex?

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Sex is not only a hot topic in our culture, it’s also on the minds of most couples in love. It’s a natural, God-given desire — a gift intended to give us pleasure and express our intimacy.
But did God have a plan in mind for sex? What are the freedoms and guidelines? Let’s look at Scripture to find some answers to these questions.
First, God intended sex to be enjoyed between a man and a woman in marriage. God created Eve for Adam because Adam needed a mate comparable to him. He needed companionship, relationship, and intimacy. So God chose marriage as a sacred and honorable relationship in which to meet those needs (Genesis 2:23-25).
Second, throughout Scripture we are commanded to avoid all forms of sexual immorality (Acts 15:29 ; Romans 1:29 ; 1 Corinthians 6:13-18 ; Galatians 5:19 ; 1 Thessalonians 4:3). That God is concerned about sexual purity is clear in the Old Testament (Deuteronomy 22). In the New Testament, Paul said that satisfying one’s burning passions before marriage is not an option for the believer (1 Corinthians 7:2,8-9).
Third, when we enjoy another’s body (physically or mentally) for sexual pleasure outside of marriage, we are guilty of covetousness. Exodus 20:17 says, “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house, you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.” To covet means “to desire, take pleasure in, and delight in.” The point is that you may not take what is not yours. You may not take illegitimate delight in what does not belong to you. One must ask, “Am I selfishly delighting in (coveting) what is not mine?” Our bodies belong only to God and to our spouse (1 Corinthians 6:19; 7:4).
Last, as followers of Christ, we must govern all of our behavior, decisions, and thoughts with the principle of love (Matthew 22:37-40). What does it mean to love your date? Loving means to put your date’s welfare, both short-term and long-term, above your own desires. To love is to respect and protect (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). We should test our intentions and actions by asking ourselves some questions: “Am I really seeking to do what God wants me to do?” “Am I placing my date’s welfare above my desires, thus loving that person?” “How does my dating life stand up to the test of love?”
The world wants us to believe that sex outside of marriage is okay. But without the commitment of marriage, sex is a shallow illusion of intimacy. It is nothing more than erotic stimulation and/or a temporary escape from loneliness. It is basically selfish. Consequently, it often becomes a means to manipulate and control others. This easily leads into the strange perversions of sexuality to which we as a sinful, desperate people are prone.
This is far from what God intended for His children. God loves us and wants only the best for us. God has given us all good things to enjoy, sex included (John 13:34 ;James 1:17). So how will we best enjoy our sexuality? Within the security of a committed marital relationship. Within a loving marriage there is assurance, accountability, and a commitment to work on the relationship when times are difficult.
You may wonder, “How far can I go before marriage?” Except for intercourse, Scripture does not specifically outline what is and what is not forbidden. God leaves that up to us to decide, keeping in mind the principles above. However, it is wise to prepare ourselves before we enter into a romantic relationship.
First- Set your standards now!
Don’t wait for a passionate moment to decide what is off limits. Holding hands, warm hugs, and kissing are all natural expressions of true love and genuine care for a person. If a touch like this does not cause you to lust and it is done out of respect for another, it can be considered an appropriate touch. There are, however, more intimate physical expressions that should be reserved for a married couple. They are designed to stimulate and excite and to culminate in sexual intercourse. These activities should be avoided by a dating couple because their purpose is to prepare the body for sex. Examples of these activities are fondling of breasts or genitals, heavy and passionate kissing, necking, petting, and oral sex. This list is not conclusive, however. If touching another causes you to lust, or if it defrauds that person, it’s time to back off.
Second- Listen to the little voice inside!
If you are doing something or are in a situation that is causing you to feel uncomfortable, guilty, or violated, listen to those feelings. They are there for a reason. Because there is a natural drive within each of us to protect ourselves, the feelings we have are “early warning” indicators that we may be experiencing personal harm. We need to trust our feelings, speak up, and exercise listening to that “little voice.”
Third- Picture it!
Imagine that the person you are dating is your future mate. That’s not so difficult. But now picture that person with someone else on a date. How would you want that date to go? How far would you want that sexual relationship proceed? What kind of activities would be off limits then? Now think of the person you are with as someone else’s future mate. How are you going to leave this person? A little used? Is that how you want your potential mate? How do you want your sister to be treated on a date? How do you want your brother to act? This little exercise puts our dating life in perspective, because we all have people so special to us that we want to love and protect them. This is how we should approach the person we are dating — as someone special to be loved and honored.
Waiting for sex until marriage can be difficult. We’re often tempted to choose what will give us instant pleasure. A man and a woman who are tempted to give in to their strong sexual desires will do well to admit their struggle before God, trust Him that He will meet their needs, and use wisdom and self-control to avoid falling into the trap of premarital sex.
Will God still love us if we choose the path that leads away from Him? Will He forgive us if we have not lived up to His standard of purity? Of course — we all struggle with living up to God’s standards. David is a good example of a man who gave in to the temptation of sex outside of marriage (2 Samuel 11:3–12:20). He and Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah, had sex. David lied and committed murder to try to cover his tracks. After he was confronted with his sin by the prophet Nathan, he repented and God forgave him. However, David still had to live with the consequences of his choices. He had to live with the fact that he had a man murdered. David’s reputation was irreparably marred, his son died, and his household was thrown into disarray. David suffered greatly because of his choice to have sex with Bathsheba. How will you choose to live?
Taken from Help For My Life

MR AND MRS IMPERFECT

This post was inspired by a conversation I had with GNG some weeks ago. We were talking about relationships and accepting imperfections in your partner ..and she suggested I should do a post about that. So here goes:..

When we are single and thinking about the attributes we would like in our future partner, most of us think about the desirable things we would like. For example, we could say we want a man that is God-fearing, caring, patient, hardworking, honest, family-oriented, intelligent, etc. This is great and there is nothing wrong with setting a high standard for one's choice of future spouse. After all you are going to spend the rest of your life with this person, and you have to love them, and be proud to show them off to family and friends.

However, many of us forget that no matter how great a guy is, he will definitely come with his faults, weaknesses and imperfections. Just as in the same way, no woman is perfect and the guy too would have to deal with an imperfect wife. We don't often think about these things until we are confronted with them. I am often amused when I come across wedding websites and I read about the couple's glowing remarks about each other. Of course they both talk about the great characteristics of the other person and present them in the best possible light. Still, I know that even the happiest couples have to deal with each other's "shortcomings".

Now, please note that I am not talking about obvious major deal-breakers here. If a man totally compromises your principles on major stuff like pre-marital sex, religion, honesty, physical violence, integrity, fidelity, alcohol and substance abuse, etc, then that is a completely different issue and it is best if you try to spot those issues VERY early on, before you get into a serious relationship with him. It would certainly not be worth the heartache to start dealing with the consequences when things go wrong as a result of things that you are totally not comfortable with.

What I'm talking about are those "little" things that we would like to change in our partner but it's not really up to us if they can change. It could be things like: he doesn't know how to share his deepest feelings with you, or he doesn't like to be the first to say sorry after an argument, or perhaps he's a complete introvert and your friends think he is anti social. Maybe it's the opposite and he's so friendly and social that you feel his life is too crowded. Perhaps you like to receive gifts often and he's just not the gift-giving type. Or maybe it's something as silly as: he totally abhors any kind of physical contact when you are in public. (I know a friend of mine that said she would like to hold her fiance's hand when they are out together but he doesn't like it! But apart from that, she's totally fine with him).

These are things that don't mean he is a bad guy, and they could stem from many things, either the way he has been brought up, his experiences in his previous relationships, things he observed in other people's relationships and many other things that could have shaped his views. The same thing goes for you as the lady. You are a great person no doubt, but you have also been shaped by many factors that make up the totality of who you are.

I read somewhere that the 80:20 principle comes into play here. Since nobody is perfect, you are never going to find somebody that is 100 percent good 100 percent of the time. (Only God is good all the time!) So the rule is that you are most likely to meet someone that ticks 80 percent of the criteria on your list. If you fall in love with that person, you then have to deal with the remaining 20 percent that is missing. It could also mean that you two are perfect for each other, 80 percent of the time.

Now imagine that you have found the man of your dreams and he is everything a girl could ever wish for. He is God-fearing, generous, intelligent, well educated, considerate, an excellent cook, got a great sense of humour and good looking to boot. But he has a few minor flaws, he's a bit of a workaholic and he chews his food really noisily, so how do you deal with it? Especially once you get married and you are confronted with these issues over and over again? (I would like to hear your answers please!)

Let me give you a personal example. Hubby is the best man in the world (yep!) but he doesn't usually compliment me on how I look. It used to annoy me a lot before, especially when I make an extra effort to look fab and he says nothing. But when we are out, I get compliments from everyone else and I wonder if he just doesn't notice. I brought it up one day in conversation and he said he would try to give me compliments more often. I can't say he does it a lot now, but oh well *shrugs*. I've learnt to ignore it and compliment myself when I look in the mirror. I've also had to learn how to receive compliments from other people without holding it against hubby. Hopefully one day he'll change, if I'm patient enough but what if he doesn't? I can't do anything about it, that's something I've come to accept. In the meantime, I know for sure that he's having to cope with my own flaws too. I'm not the most organised person in the world, and he has to work around that. I'm not likely to change into Martha Stewart anytime soon!

ps:this is an entry from a pal

L - Listen
O - Overlook
V - Value
E - Encourage

(I'm guessing overlooking imperfections is a major part of love!)

Have a great week!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

A happy new year to you my awesome readers...It hit me we are in mid Jan and I still haven't reported to this station..So sorry..Not that I do not have stuff to write..told you marriage is a school..There's lots I'm learning Just need to Decide and update thee blog.
Mr.Ouh and I are currently facilitating a Dating couples bible study based on the book of songs of solomon and meen I'm having sooo much fun....On sunday Toommy(WE ARE USING A SERIES OF TEACHINGS BY TOmMY)was talking about dating and courtship.The couch where I was sitted with two other ladies was on fireeee,maybe passionate about the topic..the whole idea of a dude taking a chic for more than five dates and he aint saying nothing..huh???tskkest,,,cant wait to put that up..thinking of a catchy topic...will be right back,keep it locked.
Wishing you all a blessed year..May the lord deal with you bountifully.
With every blessing
Mrs Ouh:)

RELATIONSHIPs AND ACCOUNTABILITY

 “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel” – Proverbs 12:15

Currently,I have been doing the 40 days of love dare-Today's love dare is"love is accountable....I love accountability/mentor ship and any other word to mean the same.I had been thinking of mentorship lately then kapish...today;s love dare was on that.so i decided to share my thoughts on the same..was actually nodding my head throughout today's article.

  The idea of having a mentor might seem weird at first. Nobody wants to feel like their relationship or their decisions are influenced by some external party. Then there is the issue of confidentiality - how do you trust that the person  will keep your stories/secrets confidential? Or how about trusting that they won't later use that information against you. And how can you guarantee that they will not be partial in their advice to you and your partner?(just trust..lol)if you get awesome pips,this shouldn't be a problem.. All these are valid concerns. I still believe though, that for any young person in a Christian dating relationship, having Christian mentors is really important.
In my case, when I first started dating hubby, I realised that i/we needed a mentor couple that we would go and bounce things off to..okay not only for bouncing back purposes..lolest..but have fellowship,share and learn..Hubby and I have several pals who have gone before us and we hang out often but we needed to identify"the official mentor couple"and with God's guidance we landed on two sets of awesome couples..one is older and the other are more like our peers though they have gone before us in this journey..married with several years experience and a baby number one with number two on the way..surely there is alot to learn from this pals of ours . You can have friends"best friends"where you can be who you are share stuff and all but at times honest truth is more often than not you friends  are just as unwise and as immature as you are.they wouldn't give you better advice than you can give yourself, most times they will only tell you what you want to hear, they are most likely to take your side when you are wrong.ETC ETC,
Initially I was not the type to just share my heart out.I  used to super believe in me that I can always sort me out.. but over time as we had several hangouts with this couple,shared experiences I became easy and learned to talk..lol...it even reached a point where we would have a disagreement with hubby in the midst of this friends..hehe...*thank God there was someone to intervene,there was a man to understand hubby's point of view and there was a woman to understand my point of view.which made things easier and better and hubby and I were /still are confident of the fact that some people  out there have our best interest at heart/are praying for us/always there for us and if ever either of us decides to be super tough headed we have somewhere to run to and we will be good:)
Over time, I learned so much from them as well. They were very honest and open, there was no topic that we didn't discuss. We talked about everything: from facing sexual temptations to dealing with in-laws to managing finances and their  experiences on wedding planning and marriage. they shared many many stories and experiences..still do..
I think mentors have a role to play in helping young people/married pips as well with relationships. Having mentors really helped me and that's why I think they are so important. They can fulfil the role of giving you practical advice. They can speak from their own experience. They can correct you if they think you are making a mistake. They will look out for you and pray with you. I also think it is the best way of passing down wisdom from one generation to the other. Choosing a mentor can be quite difficult though. Ideally you should choose a couple, so that you can hear from both points of view. They should be people you look up to and admire. They should be happily married, who have successfully gone through all the stages you are currently going through and have stayed together. Choose people you can see or speak to on a regular basis so that you can keep in touch easily. And choose people who are not biased so they can be impartial in their opinions. And above all, trust God to lead you because human beings can only say what they know, but God knows everything.
point to remember::they are not against you but for you::they are not ceremonial,a relationship is created over time..do not force it. YOU HAVE TO BE DELIBERATE!


to the married:::or when you get married:::you consider doing this

"Get someone you can be accountable to. One that will ask you tough questions and who you can always rely on to keep confidentiality, you can either have a couple (preferable) but you can also choose a friend who you can trust. Do not let your marriage boat to hit the rocks, if you can get a friend to raise the sails and steer you to harbor safely.

TODAY’S DARE:

Find a marriage mentor – someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. If you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up an appointment, during this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment."

THEORY VERSE PRACTICAL!/HOLDING THE TONGUE

Theory verses practicals

To my frequent blog visitors who come visiting sorry for talking too long to post something here...As i had said earlier there is a lot I'm learning,at times i don't even know what to write.so earlier today on Facebook a friend of mine updated her status and it read something like this'"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Prov. 21:9 (the scripture that makes my blood run cold)

COMMENT1:::why?kwani you are quarrelsome?

COMMENT2::standards are set in proverbs 31;;

HER COMENT:: prov 31 doesn't give me grief anymore. I decided I have the rest of my life to '...consider a field and buy it from my savings...and clothe my family in purple linen.. ' Lakini holding my tongue is an everyday job. I haven't entirely succeeded and seeing as he still lives indoors, I guess I haven't entirely failed either.

Tell you what??i liked this status update.like literally liked it and her comment as well,one coz i personally felt that the update was real and i could relate with it***keeping my mouth shut has been quite a challenge most often than not. wisdom has it that you have to be humble,know when to talk and when to keep quite.but i promise you its easier said than done.I'm sure many of us know the benefits of eating a healthy balanced diet, having regular exercise, making time for your quiet time with God, etc. But in reality we still struggle to put these things into practice. The same thing applies to relationships.

I will not miss to say that i have experienced the holy spirit as a helper in this lesson..there times that the holy spirit literally quiets me,its like I hear a voice in my ear telling me"FRIDZ shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,just when i have opened my big mouth to argue with my hubby or trying to force my way out of something or trying to prove my self right when I'm on the wrong..one to many instances.I thank God for living us with a helper-the holy spirit..i don-no what we would do without the helper.

As a single girl with a desire to be in a good marriage in future, I set about preparing myself to that reality. I read a lot of books on christian relationships and marriage. I prayed for God to make me a better person everyday. I listened to quite a few discussions and teachings on marriage. I attended quite a number of relationship seminars.doz,wm,that other one for rccg.visiting with married couples,had numerous sessions with our best couple I observed a lot  around me and took note of what I wanted to emulate and what I wanted to eliminate. Then finally, hubby and I went through premarital counseling before we got married. So I would say in terms of theoretical knowledge, I was definitely well prepared for marriage. I mean, how much more preparation does one need? I knew what marriage requires, but it wasn't until I was actually in it, that I had to start practicing them. but I sometimes struggle to practice.*i keep saying that?

Submission: This is one of those topics that we re-name and refer to with an alphabet like"the s-word.mara sijui the animal called submission...Submission is dreaded..i don-no why???(maybe i do)all i know is that its God's divine order..my bible tells me so,I have known about submission/heard sermons regarding the same/read books/participated in debates on the same..et al.ask me if i know what submission is"i will tell you i know what it is about,getting into marriage, I was now faced with the reality of living it. And here is where things really become interesting, knowing that this man is now my husband, and he now has legitimate authority in our home. Several times, we have been discussing an issue and it seems like he has made his mind up while I am trying to convince him to take on my view. It takes a lot to know when to back down and accept hubby's decision. Sometimes I can get him to see my point of view and then we both agree on the way forward. Yet, sometimes I feel with every single bone in my body that I am right, but he disagrees and I have to accept his final decision. We have had situations where hubby and I couldn't reach an agreement over something and then later, I feel the Holy Spirit convincing me to go along with my husband's decision. And I've found that when I do, everything usually works out better than I could have planned it. It takes a lot of getting used to, and I'm still not sure I've fully grasped the hang of it, but God is helping me. It has made me think that God put the man as the head of the home to make the tough decisions, so really when I submit graciously, it takes the pressure off me. It still takes a lot of grace and practice, but to have peace in your marriage, I recommend following the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Compromise: In relationships, there are two people coming together from different backgrounds, with different opinions, different values and different ways of doing things. Sometimes there is no right or wrong way to do something, we just have a preference for the way we are used to. for example my hubby prefers the toothpaste placed upside down,I on the other hand don't really mind how you put the toothpaste,lying flat,upside down,whatever. we reached a compromise and it was when he finds it put anyhow*he just turns it and puts it the way he prefers it being put.
That is just one example out of many of the different situations in which I have to practice making compromises. if we should attend a function or not/different priorities what comes first,do we buy a carpet or a rug,do we buy safeguard toilet soap or geisha...There are so many other things, Compromising usually means letting go of some of my choices, and trying to find a middle ground that we both agree with. It's not always easy, but I'm still learning.

Apologising: Who would agree with me that apologising is not always easy? Saying "I'm sorry" usually involves admitting you have done something wrong. Or you are guilty of something, or you have hurt the other person's feelings. Most of the time, it was unintentional too, so you have to apologise even when you didn't mean to annoy or hurt them. It's not easy to say sorry, we all know it's far easier to make excuses for our behavior. More than once, hubby has pointed out something I did wrong and I have found myself making excuses, or trivialising it as if it doesn't matter. But if it mattered enough for him to point it out, then I should say sorry and try to make amends.worst times are those when he is serious mad about something,and I on the other hand i do not see the big deal and i go ahead,open my big mouth an try convincing him that it aint a big deal*esh*u guy im learning * I know I expect him to apologise immediately when he has upset me, so I should be ready to do the same thing when I upset him. It's something I'm asking God to help me with, because I struggle with admitting that I'm wrong.(did i already write on selfishness?????lol

Obedience: . Obedience to any authority doesn't usually come naturally, as we human beings have a tendency to question why or rebel when asked to do something.(2nd nature or something of that sort) Even when God asks us to do something, we sometimes procrastinate or demand to know the reasons why. And we can carry this attitude into our relationships. Of course I'm not saying that I have no free will of my own, or that I must obey my husband even if something goes against my conscience. But if I put my pride aside, and I recognise that he is acting in love, then obeying him becomes slightl ! easier.woooooooop!!!!!its a wrap marriage is a fun school of learning and growing self:)you become better as you learn*****

I THOUGHT I WAS VERY SELFLESS UNTIL I GOT MARRIED(PT.2 OF SO HOWZ MARRIED LIFE)

This time round I have extracts on my post.l ol. I in boxed two of my girls and asked them to share something on the topic of selfishness/year one of marriage and this is what they had to say..I promised them that I will not disclose their names but rather I will refer to them as “a pal of mine”..That is exactly what I did.

PAL 1:         I think everyone gets into marriage thinking their way is the best. I for example was brought up by a single mother all my life, she showed me how to be strong and assertive and how to fight to make it, then I get a husband who was brought up in a family where the wife was submissive and he never saw his parents argue! so now I realised I had no clue what submission was, I had anger issues and I was insecure. I thought he would one day walk away and never come back. So I went back to the drawing board, I had to ask God for help and be extremely aware of myself. It's still a process that I am in trying to became a Christian wife.(a pal of mine)

Pal 2:   wow.....i feel that when u get married people don't really get the single hood out of their head completely. they want to be treated in a special way .then we tend to have a lot of expectations and when The need is not met ....we want to start blaming.....its always what have you not done for me . 

   I think most time is to treat and do to your partner what u you would like to be done for. The first year of marriage is usually a tricky one is a make or break point...u need to walk with your best couple at this point or a mature couple.....because u experience things first hand.(a pal of mine)

·         See below for hubby’s hands on experience on this topic as narrated and written by me!permited by him.lol

·         I have asked for permission to share this and permission has been granted, this day we had samosa’s in the fridge, it was a slow Saturday morning and we were doing our daily gazette reading time, so hubby felt like a samosa, reached to the fridge and warmed a few pieces..at that point I dint feel like a samosa but later on I did and of course reached out to hubby’s samosa.!!!.Reflex, hubby was like “sweetie, why are you taking my samosa?, there  are plenty in the fridge..warrrt!!I was like hey I’m your wife, it’s no longer your samosa, its ours Jand at that point I got pissed and went to a different room talking under my breathe we were ..i pouted esh!!..i wasn’t seeing how I was denied access to my hubby’s plate by hubby himself. lol..After a few minutes hubby came and reached out said he was sorry for being selfish, and his samosa is my samosa..lolest..We made up and we were friends again…lolest.at times it takes experience just to show us how selfish we can get...

·         Interesting topic I must admit. None of us wants to be termed as selfish. Nonetheless if we decide to be honest with ourselves then and only then can we admit that we are selfish in nature. I for one, Is still shocked that I reached a point I could confess that I I’m selfish...I’ve always been that chic, striving to impress the people around me, I mean si  I pray, I fast, I study my word, I’m involved in ministry I even have mentors..Ehe! boooyah!! I’m not Jesus, I’m not perfect..I’m bad, and it’s just by grace that I have been covered and all of you can’t see how bad I can be. But truth is I am selfish ,not to ,mean that I am comfy n happy about that situation and not doing anything to change, of course not, for me, it’s just the realization that hit home hard. I now understand why God in his word says Love your neighbor as you love yourself. He knew it won’t be first nature hence gave it as a command. I love my hubby to bits, no doubt about that.IM IN LOVE <3,<3,<3,I tell you.,

·          I sacrifice my time, my sleep and at times comfort for him hence I can easily lie to self that I obey the command fully,(I love my neighbor as self) where the story changes is when now you are relaxed and don’t want to come out of  my comfort zone(comfort zone can be many things, can be that personality that you hide in, that temperament u hide in, that habit you’ve clothed yourself in, that bitterness, that lie you have believed in, that past, that foolishness, that reality in your own world..et al)…

·             I remember a certain incidence when we were still very fresh in this institution of marriage, I was on leave but hubby was working. On this particular Saturday, he had work the whole day. His morning kicked off at 5am and he got back home at 10pm and Slept in. The next day was a Sunday, automatically its church d-day, so I woke up first fixed breakfast, showered, got ready and finally woke up my hubby who was very beat n still sleepy. So he was like, ”swits, I doubt I have rested enough, still  tired from yesterday’s events “Meanwhile, in my head, its Sunday so let’s just go to church you will come back to sleep, coz there was no way I was going to go to church and leave him behind..So he prepared himself ready for church.I dint mind asking how he felt for me my goal was we go to church...So when almost living the house, hubby’s like “my head is heavy, I think I haven’t rested enough”..ai?(the ai is in my head)’I was like “sweetheart no, we are newlyweds,  I’m not single anymore, I can’t go to church and sit alone and I have a ring on my left hand, people will think things**tsk…I went on and on, but honestly hubby was tired and he decided to stay at home and relax..wololos,(for my friends in the Diaspora wololo is a local dialect used in French and the luo community to mean shock),I got mad and forged with my mission, I went to church. But to a church closer to where we live.After the service I decided to go to the saloon, did my hair and came back home in the evening, in the name of punishing my husband. Do not forget .I’m still a born again Christian (ujinga ni)i felft justified at that point (DID I SAY UJINGA NI)of course I did apologise to hubby  later, and promised never to repeat that again. later on it hit me, how unselfish I was, I was just thinking of ME!ME!ME!ME!!..

As I insisted on my first post..Marriage is a school..You learn every day..if you are not  willing to learn, you are the WRONG CANDIDATE…have a learning day..Wont you…keep it locked for the next post feel free to leave a comment and share your thoughts, they go along way..tsssktskk…