Theory verses practicals
To my frequent blog visitors who come visiting sorry for talking too long to post something here...As i had said earlier there is a lot I'm learning,at times i don't even know what to write.so earlier today on Facebook a friend of mine updated her status and it read something like this'"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Prov. 21:9 (the scripture that makes my blood run cold)
COMMENT1:::why?kwani you are quarrelsome?
COMMENT2::standards are set in proverbs 31;;
HER COMENT:: prov 31 doesn't give me grief anymore. I decided I have the rest of my life to '...consider a field and buy it from my savings...and clothe my family in purple linen.. ' Lakini holding my tongue is an everyday job. I haven't entirely succeeded and seeing as he still lives indoors, I guess I haven't entirely failed either.
Tell you what??i liked this status update.like literally liked it and her comment as well,one coz i personally felt that the update was real and i could relate with it***keeping my mouth shut has been quite a challenge most often than not. wisdom has it that you have to be humble,know when to talk and when to keep quite.but i promise you its easier said than done.I'm sure many of us know the benefits of eating a healthy balanced diet, having regular exercise, making time for your quiet time with God, etc. But in reality we still struggle to put these things into practice. The same thing applies to relationships.
I will not miss to say that i have experienced the holy spirit as a helper in this lesson..there times that the holy spirit literally quiets me,its like I hear a voice in my ear telling me"FRIDZ shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,just when i have opened my big mouth to argue with my hubby or trying to force my way out of something or trying to prove my self right when I'm on the wrong..one to many instances.I thank God for living us with a helper-the holy spirit..i don-no what we would do without the helper.
As a single girl with a desire to be in a good marriage in future, I set about preparing myself to that reality. I read a lot of books on christian relationships and marriage. I prayed for God to make me a better person everyday. I listened to quite a few discussions and teachings on marriage. I attended quite a number of relationship seminars.doz,wm,that other one for rccg.visiting with married couples,had numerous sessions with our best couple I observed a lot around me and took note of what I wanted to emulate and what I wanted to eliminate. Then finally, hubby and I went through premarital counseling before we got married. So I would say in terms of theoretical knowledge, I was definitely well prepared for marriage. I mean, how much more preparation does one need? I knew what marriage requires, but it wasn't until I was actually in it, that I had to start practicing them. but I sometimes struggle to practice.*i keep saying that?
Submission: This is one of those topics that we re-name and refer to with an alphabet like"the s-word.mara sijui the animal called submission...Submission is dreaded..i don-no why???(maybe i do)all i know is that its God's divine order..my bible tells me so,I have known about submission/heard sermons regarding the same/read books/participated in debates on the same..et al.ask me if i know what submission is"i will tell you i know what it is about,getting into marriage, I was now faced with the reality of living it. And here is where things really become interesting, knowing that this man is now my husband, and he now has legitimate authority in our home. Several times, we have been discussing an issue and it seems like he has made his mind up while I am trying to convince him to take on my view. It takes a lot to know when to back down and accept hubby's decision. Sometimes I can get him to see my point of view and then we both agree on the way forward. Yet, sometimes I feel with every single bone in my body that I am right, but he disagrees and I have to accept his final decision. We have had situations where hubby and I couldn't reach an agreement over something and then later, I feel the Holy Spirit convincing me to go along with my husband's decision. And I've found that when I do, everything usually works out better than I could have planned it. It takes a lot of getting used to, and I'm still not sure I've fully grasped the hang of it, but God is helping me. It has made me think that God put the man as the head of the home to make the tough decisions, so really when I submit graciously, it takes the pressure off me. It still takes a lot of grace and practice, but to have peace in your marriage, I recommend following the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
Compromise: In relationships, there are two people coming together from different backgrounds, with different opinions, different values and different ways of doing things. Sometimes there is no right or wrong way to do something, we just have a preference for the way we are used to. for example my hubby prefers the toothpaste placed upside down,I on the other hand don't really mind how you put the toothpaste,lying flat,upside down,whatever. we reached a compromise and it was when he finds it put anyhow*he just turns it and puts it the way he prefers it being put.
That is just one example out of many of the different situations in which I have to practice making compromises. if we should attend a function or not/different priorities what comes first,do we buy a carpet or a rug,do we buy safeguard toilet soap or geisha...There are so many other things, Compromising usually means letting go of some of my choices, and trying to find a middle ground that we both agree with. It's not always easy, but I'm still learning.
Apologising: Who would agree with me that apologising is not always easy? Saying "I'm sorry" usually involves admitting you have done something wrong. Or you are guilty of something, or you have hurt the other person's feelings. Most of the time, it was unintentional too, so you have to apologise even when you didn't mean to annoy or hurt them. It's not easy to say sorry, we all know it's far easier to make excuses for our behavior. More than once, hubby has pointed out something I did wrong and I have found myself making excuses, or trivialising it as if it doesn't matter. But if it mattered enough for him to point it out, then I should say sorry and try to make amends.worst times are those when he is serious mad about something,and I on the other hand i do not see the big deal and i go ahead,open my big mouth an try convincing him that it aint a big deal*esh*u guy im learning * I know I expect him to apologise immediately when he has upset me, so I should be ready to do the same thing when I upset him. It's something I'm asking God to help me with, because I struggle with admitting that I'm wrong.(did i already write on selfishness?????lol
Obedience: . Obedience to any authority doesn't usually come naturally, as we human beings have a tendency to question why or rebel when asked to do something.(2nd nature or something of that sort) Even when God asks us to do something, we sometimes procrastinate or demand to know the reasons why. And we can carry this attitude into our relationships. Of course I'm not saying that I have no free will of my own, or that I must obey my husband even if something goes against my conscience. But if I put my pride aside, and I recognise that he is acting in love, then obeying him becomes slightl ! easier.woooooooop!!!!!its a wrap marriage is a fun school of learning and growing self:)you become better as you learn*****
