Good Men are Found in Good Places

By KagiriWaithera

IN CHURCH sisters are complaining the brothers are boring, out there Women claim the men are irresponsible and non committal.
College girls say their fellow men r broke n young, in offices LADIES will tell you their colleague r dating younger women.
Where are good men? Is it true that good men are no longer available?
Ironically women outside church are now said to be flocking churches in search of good men while inside churches many sisters will tell you that Christian men are boring and not marriage material.


Many Sisters in church want to justify why they have to give in to a secular guys who are more fun as opposed to the dull unresponsive brothers.
In and out of church I have constantly heard this statement: “I never meet good men.”
Listening to men there is now a new cliché of: “you rarely meet a good woman; most will follow you for your money.” Those with well to do careers and stable financially are now accused of following vulnerable men to kill boredom.
If I was God I would pair up all the single men and women searching for partners and help them live happily thereafter, but since I am not the best I can do is spread the gospel of hope.
Among my friends are good bachelors and good spinsters all desiring life partners and often I am so tempted to hook them up but again I am not a matchmaker, there is one in heaven. What is a fact is that whereas I cannot authoritatively give the numbers of the available good men I certainly know that there are some good ones out there.
At times I think that the problem is where our women are looking for the good men. I am not sure you will get some good men in the smoky bar or at the bus stop or at your pity party girls Friday night out.
In most times good men are found by default in college, in the line of duty, service or as you serve God. It is sad to hear women cry they don’t find good men whereas when they won’t show up at team building events or when they are sent to represent the company at a corporate event they leave as soon as they register their names.
It is sad to see the same sisters who complain that there are no good men in church never turn up for Church retreats, weddings or evangelism missions.
I don’t in any way suggest that you attend these activities with the sole mission of netting a good man but you can be sure as you interact in class, at work, a corporate or in church your chances of getting a good man are higher. It is never a shock of how fast relationships made in the bar or the matatu break as compared to the number of couples who met in school or church service.
Isn’t sad when you see girls screaming wildly as they give themselves over to celebrity musicians? I got no problem with having fun at a gig but at least preserve your dignity. I am sure no good man will want you around them after seeing you giving yourself over like a desperado. Interesting enough even those you were raving with will not look at you twice when they are sober.
Good men are not always the bubbly fun loving guys around and in most cases it needs us to take time to learn people to know them.  Most of them are at times wrapped in boring outlook and not so outgoing personalities but once you take time to learn them you discover the gem inside them.
We need to shift our mindset from the love at first sight of the bus stop, atm lobby or on the streets to the gradual kind of love. Let’s embrace the spirit of growing in love which happens when we take time to interact with people on events separate from ‘hunting missions.’
Better a boring man who is home with you and the children and friends other than the fun loving who is always on the move to the next fun town.
Have you ever wondered why men who meet wives in the bar won’t want you close a bar after marrying you? Because they know that often nothing good comes from it.
It is surprising that there is a category of women who want good men who will provide, love them and offer security yet they are not putting effort to be good women. A good man is often attracted to a good woman who knows how to care, keep a home, be submissive and have the qualities of bringing up a responsible family.
In seldom times kind men at a bus stop, a crime scene, rainy day in town or inside a dark elevator under a black out turn out to be spouses but these are rare times, good men are found in good places!
If you want a good man, be a good woman and be in a good place, you are most likely to get one.
Above all I am a firm believer that “all good things come from God” and he graciously gives to those who genuinely ask him.

I wanna get married NOW!

I read this somewhere"Women looking for a Mr Right should give up after 30 and settle for a Mr ­Second Best or a Mr Right Now.I was like.Humph,really?SMH!!

Sometimes learning to rest in God’s timing, especially when we are young and single (well, it is true at any age or circumstance) can be a very trying thing.  So much in our culture focuses ladies on having a boyfriend and, eventually, a husband. The pressure from our friends, our families, our classmates, movies, books, billboards and society at large is tremendous and all point to telling us that we cannot possibly be happy without a boy/man in our lives.
But then the contrary is also true; society tells us that we DO NOT need a man in our lives to be happy.  We are encouraged to get out of the home after we are married and have children.  We are discouraged from staying home and being a keeper at home or a stay-at-home mom.  We are encouraged to relinquish our responsibilities for raising our children to professionals in the world.  Basically, every aspect of the world is available to tell us how we need to be discontent with whatever situation in our life we are experiencing.  Advertising is geared toward breeding discontentment and all the world’s views of male/female relationships is exactly the same – always trying to get us to believe that if onlys are really true.

• If only I had a boyfriend I would be happy
• If only I were engaged my life would be filled with joy
• If  only I were married all my dreams would be fulfilled
• If only I had the home of my dreams I know I would reach my goals
•  

If only, if only, if only – these thoughts have ruined more relationships in history…they are the ideals that keep us always looking for something better, something more, something different.

Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife.  …  But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. 1 Cor 7:27, 32-35

Paul  is talking about our focus, about our devotion to the Lord. When we are single, we are free to go anywhere at any time to minister to someone, to share the gospel with someone, to teach the scriptures to someone. In short, our time is free to do with as the Lord guides us, unencumbered by the needs and desires of anyone else.  I do not have to make supper for someone or pick someone up from School/functions et all.  If I skip a meal while reaching out to someone else, it matters only to me and I will not mind if I am in service to the Lord.  I do not have to skip a bible study  because of a sick child or be home by a certain time to get little ones to bed/cook.  I am free to pour my life into others and have the energy to be a source of strength and vitality  for the lost needing a loving and listening ear.Globetrotting,/hanging out with friends,*just doing things/important things.
Our biggest problem in our lives today is that we do not view our singleness as a gift.  Oh we may SAY that someone who has been single their whole life had the gift of singleness, but we do not view the short years that WE are single as a gift from God. We look at our lives with irritation, frustration and impatience.  We think that our real life will not begin until we are married. This leads us to jumping in to the first relationship that comes our way because we are afraid we will not get married. Regardless of our age, we think that our lives are worthless and meaningless until we get married.  We fall in love with the idea of being in love first and find the first person who can jump into that role instead of waiting for God’s timing.*pls dont get "God's timing twisted**yes girls**
You can have the gift to be married, but you still don’t have the gift of a wife yet.”  prepare yourself to be a wife/learn how to cook..et all without the cares of the world to distract you.
if God  gives you the desire to get married, He is faithful and trustworthy and capable to fulfill that desire whenever and however He chooses.  If you are  willing to trust in His fulfillment, then you can  trust in his timing too.  King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)
Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

How to Choose Your Bridesmaids

            Know who is standing beside you before you choose them.

Choosing bridesmaids is probably one of the touchiest things, ever. It can be touchy for the bride, who may be having to make some serious decisions about who to include (while considering a budget, a limit on number of attendants, etc.) and somewhat stressful for those waiting to be chosen (cost, responsibilities, “will she or won’t she choose me?”).

I want to stress to you how important it is that you pick the right people to be in your wedding. I cannot say enough about what a challenge it can be whenever you have uncooperative attendants or people who really have no desire to be in your wedding, nor your best interests at heart. Please exercise your best judgment in this area.

Example #1: You have a dear friend that you met later on in life, perhaps in college. You think it would be appropriate to ask said friend to be in your wedding, but you do know a few things about her and you are on the fence about it. 1) She is never on time. 2) She regularly forgets appointments, plans you have made,  3) She is jovial and just busting at the seams because you, her dear pal, are getting married.

I am tellin’ ya right now, that is a “sitchy-ashun.” You love this friend and would love for her to be in your wedding. There are a few factors that come into play here. You know that the friend is not going to be one to devote most of the necessary time and energy to helping you put together showers and other tasks associated with the wedding. You know this. But the friend loves you and wants to be there with you, to support you on this very important day. It comes down to your choice. If you can deal with the fact that tasks that may be assigned to her in all likelihood will not be done, then you can go ahead with it. However, you must remember this later on. Things are going to get hectic and you have to keep in mind that you knew from the beginning that this friend was not going to be a very reliable participant.

I think it is important to weigh the following factors:

1. Length of time that you have been friends
2. Reliability
3. How important it is to you that this person is in your wedding
4. Availability
5. The Close Family Conundrum

Not necessarily in that order. For some people, #1 is a really good way to cut your list down. Sometimes #1 and #5 play in to one another and you have choices to make there. What if you have 5 sisters? Do you have all 5 sisters as bridesmaids? This does something really awful to my brain. As someone who does not have a sister I cannot begin to work that one out, so you’re on your own.

Let me just give you a few bad examples from each of those points.

1. Length of time that you have been friends — A young woman includes a couple of girls who were her first best friends — in kindergarten. Nevermind the fact that they weren’t friends once they got to primary school, or high school. And completely forgetting that bit about how they haven’t spoken in years. For some reason, these two agree to be in the wedding. They spend every moment the bride is out of the room criticizing decisions she has made about her wedding, her appearance…you name it.

I understand honoring the friendship that you had, but I think if you haven’t had any major contact with the person in the past 5-10 years, you need to really consider if it is the best idea. Yes, you may love them no matter what, but I’m serious, this can get really ugly, really fast. People can change a lot in that amount of time and if you haven’t remained in some kind of contact then you may be in for a nasty surprise.

2. Reliability – If the person forgets about your hangouts, chances are they will forget the date of their dress fitting,(stress the seamstress) and when/if they are supposed to be present at your wedding rehearsal. or maybe even forget your wedding date n perhaps show up on the next day(exxagged,muhaha), If you love them so much that you can deal with them being in your wedding and really taking on no responsibilities…GOOD FOR YOU.You have to remember this later in the game when things get crazy and you NEED every spare pair of arms that are available. And then you can’t hold a grudge against the person because you knew from the beginning they weren’t going to be any help. Just keep it in mind

Or maybe it’s not that at all. Maybe they live far away and just won’t be able to participate the way a person who lives in the next estate over would. You can’t fault them for that. Just know what they are capable of and be okay with that before asking.

3. How important it is to you that this person is in your wedding — This is one of the few things that I will pull the “It’s your day” line on (because it’s NOT just your day; this is a family and community celebration of a commitment you are entering into with another human being…it’s not just a big party that’s about you in a fluffy white dress so get over it). I have friends who get  a few different family members and friends suggest that they include certain individuals in their wedding party. On the surface they may just be helpful suggestions, but the stories i've heard.esh!! they were so so SO far off the mark I cannot begin to describe them to you.

Please do not let anyone bully you into including herself/someone else in your wedding. You will be unhappy and will likely be resentful of their heavy-handedness.

Disclaimer;you cant include all your awesome pals on your line up,and not being included on a ine up doesn't necessarily mean that you are less of a friend/not loved/not pretty enough for a line up..*im jus saying*

What I did do was ask a handful people who have meant very much to me over the years to be in my wedding,as guests,helping out,running the side show.. Most of them said yes.:)that right there is a blessing!they did an excellent Job.

Make sure their presence is important to you and that you aren’t making your decisions to please other people.

4. Availability – There is really nothing bad to say about this one, it’s simply a fact of life. Keep in mind where your potential bridesmaids are in their place in life. Do they have a job or schedule that might prevent them from being present for important things leading up to the wedding (fittings, showers, the traditional meetings..raracios/ayies.., etc.)? Is it possible their schedule might even prevent them from being there(when you really need them) on the actual day-of? Are they newly married themselves? New parents?

A lot of cost comes along with accepting the responsibility of being a bridesmaid. Not everyone will be able to afford it and you need to remember that when you are asking and planning various things (dresses, accessories, shoes). If you are not planning on paying for their dress and other expenses yourself,(apparently that used to happen when our parents were getting married,those days for mzee Jomo kenyatta..we are in generation xaxa xema,digital,kujilipia nayo?) you may need to rethink things a little. There is no need to put any undue stress on a person.

It is a tough spot though, because if you make a judgment call here and decide not to ask someone based on where you think they are, you risk hurting them. One thing I did was ask each person individually, and with those that I knew this might be an issue with I tried to be very understanding and work with them. As it happened, these were the people who didn’t end up in my wedding.

5. The Close Family Conundrum – Depending with the kind of relationship that you have with your sister(s) by the time you are getting married,you should be in a position to tell exactly where your sister(s) will come in handy.line up,run around,usher et all..just remember you don wonna be cat fighting with your sis on your wedding day..

One last piece of advice. Be okay if they say “no.” You never know what is going on in someone’s life. They may have a reason for declining that you will never find out about. Personally, I would rather someone tell me that they can’t be a part of my wedding than be there grudgingly and half-heartedly. Either you’re in or your out on this one, bridesmaids.

ps;I;v heard my fair share of bridesmaiding n bestmaiding n being on the other side-briding*.. thus far..challenges yes..regrets not really