Currently,I have been doing the 40 days of love dare-Today's love dare is"love is accountable....I love accountability/mentor ship and any other word to mean the same.I had been thinking of mentorship lately then kapish...today;s love dare was on that.so i decided to share my thoughts on the same..was actually nodding my head throughout today's article.
The idea of having a mentor might seem weird at first. Nobody wants to feel like their relationship or their decisions are influenced by some external party. Then there is the issue of confidentiality - how do you trust that the person will keep your stories/secrets confidential? Or how about trusting that they won't later use that information against you. And how can you guarantee that they will not be partial in their advice to you and your partner?(just trust..lol)if you get awesome pips,this shouldn't be a problem.. All these are valid concerns. I still believe though, that for any young person in a Christian dating relationship, having Christian mentors is really important.
In my case, when I first started dating hubby, I realised that i/we needed a mentor couple that we would go and bounce things off to..okay not only for bouncing back purposes..lolest..but have fellowship,share and learn..Hubby and I have several pals who have gone before us and we hang out often but we needed to identify"the official mentor couple"and with God's guidance we landed on two sets of awesome couples..one is older and the other are more like our peers though they have gone before us in this journey..married with several years experience and a baby number one with number two on the way..surely there is alot to learn from this pals of ours . You can have friends"best friends"where you can be who you are share stuff and all but at times honest truth is more often than not you friends are just as unwise and as immature as you are.they wouldn't give you better advice than you can give yourself, most times they will only tell you what you want to hear, they are most likely to take your side when you are wrong.ETC ETC,
Initially I was not the type to just share my heart out.I used to super believe in me that I can always sort me out.. but over time as we had several hangouts with this couple,shared experiences I became easy and learned to talk..lol...it even reached a point where we would have a disagreement with hubby in the midst of this friends..hehe...*thank God there was someone to intervene,there was a man to understand hubby's point of view and there was a woman to understand my point of view.which made things easier and better and hubby and I were /still are confident of the fact that some people out there have our best interest at heart/are praying for us/always there for us and if ever either of us decides to be super tough headed we have somewhere to run to and we will be good:)
Over time, I learned so much from them as well. They were very honest and open, there was no topic that we didn't discuss. We talked about everything: from facing sexual temptations to dealing with in-laws to managing finances and their experiences on wedding planning and marriage. they shared many many stories and experiences..still do..
I think mentors have a role to play in helping young people/married pips as well with relationships. Having mentors really helped me and that's why I think they are so important. They can fulfil the role of giving you practical advice. They can speak from their own experience. They can correct you if they think you are making a mistake. They will look out for you and pray with you. I also think it is the best way of passing down wisdom from one generation to the other. Choosing a mentor can be quite difficult though. Ideally you should choose a couple, so that you can hear from both points of view. They should be people you look up to and admire. They should be happily married, who have successfully gone through all the stages you are currently going through and have stayed together. Choose people you can see or speak to on a regular basis so that you can keep in touch easily. And choose people who are not biased so they can be impartial in their opinions. And above all, trust God to lead you because human beings can only say what they know, but God knows everything.
point to remember::they are not against you but for you::they are not ceremonial,a relationship is created over time..do not force it. YOU HAVE TO BE DELIBERATE!
to the married:::or when you get married:::you consider doing this
"Get someone you can be accountable to.
One that will ask you tough questions and who you can always rely on to
keep confidentiality, you can either have a couple (preferable) but you
can also choose a friend who you can trust. Do not let your marriage
boat to hit the rocks, if you can get a friend to raise the sails and
steer you to harbor safely.
TODAY’S DARE:
Find a marriage mentor – someone
who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. If
you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up
an appointment, during this process, ask God to direct your decisions
and discernment."
