Guest Post: Reality as a Newly-Wed!

. As a fellow newlywed, she knows how it is!

I can't stop thinking about it all: how well the day went, how beautiful I was and how colourful the occasion was.
I have fleeting glimpses of specific moments the walk down the aisle, the kiss, the vows (I barely remember this, I rushed it, reading it all over again I begin to realize the gravity of the words I said just as mere words), the exchange of rings, the dancing, and how I did not taste the food!
I married my prince charming, my honeymoon was a blast, it should be a tradition every year in our marriage.
I’m back -- and not just back from our trip.  Back to 'normal' life, back to my new home, it feels strange. The thought of marriage makes me feel older, more responsible.  A life where I am constantly reminded of my new status, the society expects so much from me already, my in-laws expect a bump in the next 2 months, my parents can’t wait to become expectant grand-parents. The new weight on my fingers-the rock and the metal!!! An absolute beauty and treasure! It was carefully picked. It’s one of the symbols that reminds me that this is forever.
“How long is this forever? I wonder”. “What if I can’t go the whole forever?”
Now, my schedules are kinda clear, no vendors to meet,  no marriage counselling..., no venues to visit, no more wedding sites for inspiration. I have suddenly become the newly-wed!
This is it!!! The Marriage Scene begins.
Now, it dawns, the only reason I had planned and saved so hard for a day's event is because of this scene...the marriage!
Now, I scurry to the internet, ‘survival tips for newly-weds’, ‘My first week as a newly-wed’, ‘Furnishing our new home’ , ‘our first home-made dinner’ etc, etc.
Now, I am stuck with nurturing my own experiences?
· No two marriages are the same, learn to stay with what works for you.
· Communication and talking are two different things.
· Sex is meant to be enjoyed, not endured. It is more spiritual than physical. It represents a giving of one’s self. I expect my spouse to tell me how well I am doing sexually.
· Marriage gives you a life-long opportunity to spend time together. There's never been a better time to get to know each other better.
· You will need to master the art of compromise, it’s not as easy as it sounds, in fact I hate it, but you know what, its creates a middle ground.
· Marriage makes me feel older...another feeling I hate!!! Why can’t I rewind to 10yrs earlier.
· Talk about how money is spent, if joint-account works fine! If not...avoid it. It may be right for accountability, but if it makes you spy over your spouse and may leave distrust then my advice...avoid it!
· Let everyone including your in-laws and parents know how important your spouse is to you.
· It feels good to overhear my husband mention ‘wife’ over the phone, but that word makes me feel responsible for another human being.
Need I say more, marriage is honourable, happy endings are still very common!
I am working at my own happy ending…
What’s yours?

NICE CHIC OR GOOD WOMAN?

There is a question every single woman that has been in a couple of ‘potential relationships’ that for one reason or another fail to materialize asks themselves, I’m I just a good chic or a good woman?

How she will answer this question holds the key to understanding why some women seem to be husband magnets while others just have to keep holding out hope forever.

The answer in my mind is simple. While I don’t claim to be a master of this boy meets girl thing by any degree of the word, (there are those well versed with it much more than I); I do know one thing. When a man wants to settle down, he simply looks for a good woman.

Not a nice chic. Because while nice chics are just that, nice, a good woman is SAFE.

Nice chics are for going out, hanging out with, doing fun stuff, friendship and talk, and just do things with.

A good woman? That’s someone a guy wants to live life with

So, what’s the difference? I’m glad you asked.

First, let’s define marriage in a man’s language. And you may be surprised it’s not the usual relationship jargon and romantic lingo people keep ranting about.

When a man wants to settle down; he will simply go to the safest place on earth. The safest person and place that gives him a sense of sanity, stability, and an assurance from his fears. Where he knows he will be OK. Truth is, only one woman fits the bill. Because only one really did this for him. His Dear mama!

 I have a theory on men and their marriage choices; Every man is looking for his mama in the woman he wants to marry. And what mama gave him, He’s gonna look for in a woman he wants to live with.  Which is basically a sense of safety, stability and care. To men, marriage is a huge investment. He will invest his life’s work, emotions, love, money, future, kids… basically everything that holds his world together. And he ain’t gonna do that with a ‘risky’ woman. Nope. No way, hapana. Nada, Ah ah. Ain’t gonna happen.

Risk is for play, safe is for investment. Risky is for now, safe is for keeps. And the thing is, nice chic is a risky affair. At least to the jamaa on the street.

And, Marriage is an investment to any man. Sorry, but that’s how we process. That’s why men will flee their own home when the returns they expected, I’m talking love, respect, care, challenge, fulfillment and joy are taken out of the equation. He will hide himself in a career/job/woman…. Whatever else that ticks his fancy.

So let’s see what a nice chic is and is not. Ladies, and gentlemen, Lean forward. Ready? Go!

Nice Chic (Please notice what she is Not, that’s where the key lies)

1.       The ‘fun’ woman, she is spontaneous but not consistent

2.       She is the hip girl, not the homely one

3.       She is smooth, not gentle

4.       She is sensual, not charming

5.       She is pricey, not priceless

6.       She has power not influence

7.       She can make you feel, not feel you

8.       She is with you, not for you

9.       She’ll spend with your life, not life with you

10.   She loves you, not your world

And What she is not, is what makes a woman a good one. Good enough for a guy to sit back and think about you and him; (When he is weighing his options on who to go for-Yeah they all consider 3 or 4. Not just you alone!)

The paradox is, Most good women, will have the same qualities as the nice chic, no doubt... I mean, that’s a pretty obvious fact. However! The key to the good woman is what the nice chic is not.

Here’s the remix. The good woman is; consistent, homely, gentle, charming, priceless, influential, feels you, is for you, lives life with you, and loves and can handle your world. Period!

Got it? What the nice chic is not, the good woman is. And that, for men, is a HUGE deal.

Huge enough to cause a delay or even a change of mind when it comes to popping the question!

I’m just saying!

Posted  by Pastor Wa

Why Should Christians Wait For Marriage To Have Sex?

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Sex is not only a hot topic in our culture, it’s also on the minds of most couples in love. It’s a natural, God-given desire — a gift intended to give us pleasure and express our intimacy.
But did God have a plan in mind for sex? What are the freedoms and guidelines? Let’s look at Scripture to find some answers to these questions.
First, God intended sex to be enjoyed between a man and a woman in marriage. God created Eve for Adam because Adam needed a mate comparable to him. He needed companionship, relationship, and intimacy. So God chose marriage as a sacred and honorable relationship in which to meet those needs (Genesis 2:23-25).
Second, throughout Scripture we are commanded to avoid all forms of sexual immorality (Acts 15:29 ; Romans 1:29 ; 1 Corinthians 6:13-18 ; Galatians 5:19 ; 1 Thessalonians 4:3). That God is concerned about sexual purity is clear in the Old Testament (Deuteronomy 22). In the New Testament, Paul said that satisfying one’s burning passions before marriage is not an option for the believer (1 Corinthians 7:2,8-9).
Third, when we enjoy another’s body (physically or mentally) for sexual pleasure outside of marriage, we are guilty of covetousness. Exodus 20:17 says, “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house, you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.” To covet means “to desire, take pleasure in, and delight in.” The point is that you may not take what is not yours. You may not take illegitimate delight in what does not belong to you. One must ask, “Am I selfishly delighting in (coveting) what is not mine?” Our bodies belong only to God and to our spouse (1 Corinthians 6:19; 7:4).
Last, as followers of Christ, we must govern all of our behavior, decisions, and thoughts with the principle of love (Matthew 22:37-40). What does it mean to love your date? Loving means to put your date’s welfare, both short-term and long-term, above your own desires. To love is to respect and protect (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). We should test our intentions and actions by asking ourselves some questions: “Am I really seeking to do what God wants me to do?” “Am I placing my date’s welfare above my desires, thus loving that person?” “How does my dating life stand up to the test of love?”
The world wants us to believe that sex outside of marriage is okay. But without the commitment of marriage, sex is a shallow illusion of intimacy. It is nothing more than erotic stimulation and/or a temporary escape from loneliness. It is basically selfish. Consequently, it often becomes a means to manipulate and control others. This easily leads into the strange perversions of sexuality to which we as a sinful, desperate people are prone.
This is far from what God intended for His children. God loves us and wants only the best for us. God has given us all good things to enjoy, sex included (John 13:34 ;James 1:17). So how will we best enjoy our sexuality? Within the security of a committed marital relationship. Within a loving marriage there is assurance, accountability, and a commitment to work on the relationship when times are difficult.
You may wonder, “How far can I go before marriage?” Except for intercourse, Scripture does not specifically outline what is and what is not forbidden. God leaves that up to us to decide, keeping in mind the principles above. However, it is wise to prepare ourselves before we enter into a romantic relationship.
First- Set your standards now!
Don’t wait for a passionate moment to decide what is off limits. Holding hands, warm hugs, and kissing are all natural expressions of true love and genuine care for a person. If a touch like this does not cause you to lust and it is done out of respect for another, it can be considered an appropriate touch. There are, however, more intimate physical expressions that should be reserved for a married couple. They are designed to stimulate and excite and to culminate in sexual intercourse. These activities should be avoided by a dating couple because their purpose is to prepare the body for sex. Examples of these activities are fondling of breasts or genitals, heavy and passionate kissing, necking, petting, and oral sex. This list is not conclusive, however. If touching another causes you to lust, or if it defrauds that person, it’s time to back off.
Second- Listen to the little voice inside!
If you are doing something or are in a situation that is causing you to feel uncomfortable, guilty, or violated, listen to those feelings. They are there for a reason. Because there is a natural drive within each of us to protect ourselves, the feelings we have are “early warning” indicators that we may be experiencing personal harm. We need to trust our feelings, speak up, and exercise listening to that “little voice.”
Third- Picture it!
Imagine that the person you are dating is your future mate. That’s not so difficult. But now picture that person with someone else on a date. How would you want that date to go? How far would you want that sexual relationship proceed? What kind of activities would be off limits then? Now think of the person you are with as someone else’s future mate. How are you going to leave this person? A little used? Is that how you want your potential mate? How do you want your sister to be treated on a date? How do you want your brother to act? This little exercise puts our dating life in perspective, because we all have people so special to us that we want to love and protect them. This is how we should approach the person we are dating — as someone special to be loved and honored.
Waiting for sex until marriage can be difficult. We’re often tempted to choose what will give us instant pleasure. A man and a woman who are tempted to give in to their strong sexual desires will do well to admit their struggle before God, trust Him that He will meet their needs, and use wisdom and self-control to avoid falling into the trap of premarital sex.
Will God still love us if we choose the path that leads away from Him? Will He forgive us if we have not lived up to His standard of purity? Of course — we all struggle with living up to God’s standards. David is a good example of a man who gave in to the temptation of sex outside of marriage (2 Samuel 11:3–12:20). He and Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah, had sex. David lied and committed murder to try to cover his tracks. After he was confronted with his sin by the prophet Nathan, he repented and God forgave him. However, David still had to live with the consequences of his choices. He had to live with the fact that he had a man murdered. David’s reputation was irreparably marred, his son died, and his household was thrown into disarray. David suffered greatly because of his choice to have sex with Bathsheba. How will you choose to live?
Taken from Help For My Life