Funny thing is in the ideal head of some people,Christian couples don't fight,I was talking to some lady and she told me her she can t imagine fighting with her hubby,that she will always be praying to God to be an awesome wise not quarrelsome nor a fighter...Good for you buddy!!lets talk when you cross over that was my response!
Thing is as long as we are human,different backgrounds,personalities,preference et all at one point or another we shall disagree not once not twice however deeply in love we are hence!!ALL COUPLES FIGHT.good couples fight clean bad couples fight dirty..I have a million examples on top of my head of when we've had conflict with the hubs..of when each of us responded maturely or immaturely but that's a story for another day..its like 0200hrs..and that's not the aim of my post today.
Today I am talking about conflict resolution,not that i have perfected it but that I am still learning and enjoying the lessons.
Resolving conflicts requires forgiveness-Giving up the right to punish the one who wronged you.This is the miracle of the Christian life-that we can heal our relationships with others with others in the same way christ healed our relationship with him-through forgiveness.
AUTHENTIC COMMUNICATION is much more than just talking,its understanding,being understood,identifying a tone of voice,detecting non verbal cues,responding appropriately to offence,resolving conflicts,knowing what to say,when to say it and how to say it.
It is experiencing the risks of and rewards of knowing and being known.
*Authentic communication means that the listener employs clarifying and summary questions.
*Resolving conflict requires a determination to lovingly confront each other.
*Resolving conflict requires forgiveness
"Be angry and yet do not in;do not let the sun go down on your anger(eph4:26)
The Bible has much to say about the act of communicating ,because God knew it would not be a skill that comes easily for us .we've got to work at it.But in doing so,we grow in our dependence upon him and in our relationship with others.
In marriage,it's common for both individuals to react to conflict in different ways.which one are you??n what do you need to do?lol
FIGHT TO WIN:This is the "I won,you lose,or I'm right,you're wrong" position.You seek to dominate the other person;personal relationships take second place to the need of triumph.
WITHDRAW:You seek to avoid discomfort at all costs,saying,I'm uncomfortable,so il get out."You see no hope of resolving the conflict,or you lack the strength to confront it.So you cope by giving your mate the silent treatment.
YIELD:You assume it is fare better to go along with the other person's demands than to risk a confrontation.Rather than start another argument,you say,"whatever you want is fine."To you,a safe feeling is more important than a close relationship.
LOVINGLY RESOLVE:You commit to resolving the conflict by taking steps to carefully and sensitively discuss the issue.Resolving a conflict requires a special attitude-one of humility,of placing the relationship at a higher priority than the conflict itself.(what goes the relationship or the issue?)You value your relationship more than winning or losing,escaping or feeling comfortable.
With three of these styles,you actually create as many problems as you solve.Fighting to win,withdrawing or yielding may allow you to deal temporarily with the conflict at hand,but you haven't dealt with the emotions the conflict sparked-the hurt,the resentment and the anger.Only when you seek to confront each other in a loving way will you resolve a conflict.
Let us strive,go back to the basics of communication skills..strive to understand and be understood,you don't have to raise your voice to be heard!D:)Let us strive to reduce on the number of
29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.eph4:29
James 1:19-My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
