I THOUGHT I WAS VERY SELFLESS UNTIL I GOT MARRIED(PT.2 OF SO HOWZ MARRIED LIFE)

This time round I have extracts on my post.l ol. I in boxed two of my girls and asked them to share something on the topic of selfishness/year one of marriage and this is what they had to say..I promised them that I will not disclose their names but rather I will refer to them as “a pal of mine”..That is exactly what I did.

PAL 1:         I think everyone gets into marriage thinking their way is the best. I for example was brought up by a single mother all my life, she showed me how to be strong and assertive and how to fight to make it, then I get a husband who was brought up in a family where the wife was submissive and he never saw his parents argue! so now I realised I had no clue what submission was, I had anger issues and I was insecure. I thought he would one day walk away and never come back. So I went back to the drawing board, I had to ask God for help and be extremely aware of myself. It's still a process that I am in trying to became a Christian wife.(a pal of mine)

Pal 2:   wow.....i feel that when u get married people don't really get the single hood out of their head completely. they want to be treated in a special way .then we tend to have a lot of expectations and when The need is not met ....we want to start blaming.....its always what have you not done for me . 

   I think most time is to treat and do to your partner what u you would like to be done for. The first year of marriage is usually a tricky one is a make or break point...u need to walk with your best couple at this point or a mature couple.....because u experience things first hand.(a pal of mine)

·         See below for hubby’s hands on experience on this topic as narrated and written by me!permited by him.lol

·         I have asked for permission to share this and permission has been granted, this day we had samosa’s in the fridge, it was a slow Saturday morning and we were doing our daily gazette reading time, so hubby felt like a samosa, reached to the fridge and warmed a few pieces..at that point I dint feel like a samosa but later on I did and of course reached out to hubby’s samosa.!!!.Reflex, hubby was like “sweetie, why are you taking my samosa?, there  are plenty in the fridge..warrrt!!I was like hey I’m your wife, it’s no longer your samosa, its ours Jand at that point I got pissed and went to a different room talking under my breathe we were ..i pouted esh!!..i wasn’t seeing how I was denied access to my hubby’s plate by hubby himself. lol..After a few minutes hubby came and reached out said he was sorry for being selfish, and his samosa is my samosa..lolest..We made up and we were friends again…lolest.at times it takes experience just to show us how selfish we can get...

·         Interesting topic I must admit. None of us wants to be termed as selfish. Nonetheless if we decide to be honest with ourselves then and only then can we admit that we are selfish in nature. I for one, Is still shocked that I reached a point I could confess that I I’m selfish...I’ve always been that chic, striving to impress the people around me, I mean si  I pray, I fast, I study my word, I’m involved in ministry I even have mentors..Ehe! boooyah!! I’m not Jesus, I’m not perfect..I’m bad, and it’s just by grace that I have been covered and all of you can’t see how bad I can be. But truth is I am selfish ,not to ,mean that I am comfy n happy about that situation and not doing anything to change, of course not, for me, it’s just the realization that hit home hard. I now understand why God in his word says Love your neighbor as you love yourself. He knew it won’t be first nature hence gave it as a command. I love my hubby to bits, no doubt about that.IM IN LOVE <3,<3,<3,I tell you.,

·          I sacrifice my time, my sleep and at times comfort for him hence I can easily lie to self that I obey the command fully,(I love my neighbor as self) where the story changes is when now you are relaxed and don’t want to come out of  my comfort zone(comfort zone can be many things, can be that personality that you hide in, that temperament u hide in, that habit you’ve clothed yourself in, that bitterness, that lie you have believed in, that past, that foolishness, that reality in your own world..et al)…

·             I remember a certain incidence when we were still very fresh in this institution of marriage, I was on leave but hubby was working. On this particular Saturday, he had work the whole day. His morning kicked off at 5am and he got back home at 10pm and Slept in. The next day was a Sunday, automatically its church d-day, so I woke up first fixed breakfast, showered, got ready and finally woke up my hubby who was very beat n still sleepy. So he was like, ”swits, I doubt I have rested enough, still  tired from yesterday’s events “Meanwhile, in my head, its Sunday so let’s just go to church you will come back to sleep, coz there was no way I was going to go to church and leave him behind..So he prepared himself ready for church.I dint mind asking how he felt for me my goal was we go to church...So when almost living the house, hubby’s like “my head is heavy, I think I haven’t rested enough”..ai?(the ai is in my head)’I was like “sweetheart no, we are newlyweds,  I’m not single anymore, I can’t go to church and sit alone and I have a ring on my left hand, people will think things**tsk…I went on and on, but honestly hubby was tired and he decided to stay at home and relax..wololos,(for my friends in the Diaspora wololo is a local dialect used in French and the luo community to mean shock),I got mad and forged with my mission, I went to church. But to a church closer to where we live.After the service I decided to go to the saloon, did my hair and came back home in the evening, in the name of punishing my husband. Do not forget .I’m still a born again Christian (ujinga ni)i felft justified at that point (DID I SAY UJINGA NI)of course I did apologise to hubby  later, and promised never to repeat that again. later on it hit me, how unselfish I was, I was just thinking of ME!ME!ME!ME!!..

As I insisted on my first post..Marriage is a school..You learn every day..if you are not  willing to learn, you are the WRONG CANDIDATE…have a learning day..Wont you…keep it locked for the next post feel free to leave a comment and share your thoughts, they go along way..tsssktskk…