How to Choose Your Bridesmaids

            Know who is standing beside you before you choose them.

Choosing bridesmaids is probably one of the touchiest things, ever. It can be touchy for the bride, who may be having to make some serious decisions about who to include (while considering a budget, a limit on number of attendants, etc.) and somewhat stressful for those waiting to be chosen (cost, responsibilities, “will she or won’t she choose me?”).

I want to stress to you how important it is that you pick the right people to be in your wedding. I cannot say enough about what a challenge it can be whenever you have uncooperative attendants or people who really have no desire to be in your wedding, nor your best interests at heart. Please exercise your best judgment in this area.

Example #1: You have a dear friend that you met later on in life, perhaps in college. You think it would be appropriate to ask said friend to be in your wedding, but you do know a few things about her and you are on the fence about it. 1) She is never on time. 2) She regularly forgets appointments, plans you have made,  3) She is jovial and just busting at the seams because you, her dear pal, are getting married.

I am tellin’ ya right now, that is a “sitchy-ashun.” You love this friend and would love for her to be in your wedding. There are a few factors that come into play here. You know that the friend is not going to be one to devote most of the necessary time and energy to helping you put together showers and other tasks associated with the wedding. You know this. But the friend loves you and wants to be there with you, to support you on this very important day. It comes down to your choice. If you can deal with the fact that tasks that may be assigned to her in all likelihood will not be done, then you can go ahead with it. However, you must remember this later on. Things are going to get hectic and you have to keep in mind that you knew from the beginning that this friend was not going to be a very reliable participant.

I think it is important to weigh the following factors:

1. Length of time that you have been friends
2. Reliability
3. How important it is to you that this person is in your wedding
4. Availability
5. The Close Family Conundrum

Not necessarily in that order. For some people, #1 is a really good way to cut your list down. Sometimes #1 and #5 play in to one another and you have choices to make there. What if you have 5 sisters? Do you have all 5 sisters as bridesmaids? This does something really awful to my brain. As someone who does not have a sister I cannot begin to work that one out, so you’re on your own.

Let me just give you a few bad examples from each of those points.

1. Length of time that you have been friends — A young woman includes a couple of girls who were her first best friends — in kindergarten. Nevermind the fact that they weren’t friends once they got to primary school, or high school. And completely forgetting that bit about how they haven’t spoken in years. For some reason, these two agree to be in the wedding. They spend every moment the bride is out of the room criticizing decisions she has made about her wedding, her appearance…you name it.

I understand honoring the friendship that you had, but I think if you haven’t had any major contact with the person in the past 5-10 years, you need to really consider if it is the best idea. Yes, you may love them no matter what, but I’m serious, this can get really ugly, really fast. People can change a lot in that amount of time and if you haven’t remained in some kind of contact then you may be in for a nasty surprise.

2. Reliability – If the person forgets about your hangouts, chances are they will forget the date of their dress fitting,(stress the seamstress) and when/if they are supposed to be present at your wedding rehearsal. or maybe even forget your wedding date n perhaps show up on the next day(exxagged,muhaha), If you love them so much that you can deal with them being in your wedding and really taking on no responsibilities…GOOD FOR YOU.You have to remember this later in the game when things get crazy and you NEED every spare pair of arms that are available. And then you can’t hold a grudge against the person because you knew from the beginning they weren’t going to be any help. Just keep it in mind

Or maybe it’s not that at all. Maybe they live far away and just won’t be able to participate the way a person who lives in the next estate over would. You can’t fault them for that. Just know what they are capable of and be okay with that before asking.

3. How important it is to you that this person is in your wedding — This is one of the few things that I will pull the “It’s your day” line on (because it’s NOT just your day; this is a family and community celebration of a commitment you are entering into with another human being…it’s not just a big party that’s about you in a fluffy white dress so get over it). I have friends who get  a few different family members and friends suggest that they include certain individuals in their wedding party. On the surface they may just be helpful suggestions, but the stories i've heard.esh!! they were so so SO far off the mark I cannot begin to describe them to you.

Please do not let anyone bully you into including herself/someone else in your wedding. You will be unhappy and will likely be resentful of their heavy-handedness.

Disclaimer;you cant include all your awesome pals on your line up,and not being included on a ine up doesn't necessarily mean that you are less of a friend/not loved/not pretty enough for a line up..*im jus saying*

What I did do was ask a handful people who have meant very much to me over the years to be in my wedding,as guests,helping out,running the side show.. Most of them said yes.:)that right there is a blessing!they did an excellent Job.

Make sure their presence is important to you and that you aren’t making your decisions to please other people.

4. Availability – There is really nothing bad to say about this one, it’s simply a fact of life. Keep in mind where your potential bridesmaids are in their place in life. Do they have a job or schedule that might prevent them from being present for important things leading up to the wedding (fittings, showers, the traditional meetings..raracios/ayies.., etc.)? Is it possible their schedule might even prevent them from being there(when you really need them) on the actual day-of? Are they newly married themselves? New parents?

A lot of cost comes along with accepting the responsibility of being a bridesmaid. Not everyone will be able to afford it and you need to remember that when you are asking and planning various things (dresses, accessories, shoes). If you are not planning on paying for their dress and other expenses yourself,(apparently that used to happen when our parents were getting married,those days for mzee Jomo kenyatta..we are in generation xaxa xema,digital,kujilipia nayo?) you may need to rethink things a little. There is no need to put any undue stress on a person.

It is a tough spot though, because if you make a judgment call here and decide not to ask someone based on where you think they are, you risk hurting them. One thing I did was ask each person individually, and with those that I knew this might be an issue with I tried to be very understanding and work with them. As it happened, these were the people who didn’t end up in my wedding.

5. The Close Family Conundrum – Depending with the kind of relationship that you have with your sister(s) by the time you are getting married,you should be in a position to tell exactly where your sister(s) will come in handy.line up,run around,usher et all..just remember you don wonna be cat fighting with your sis on your wedding day..

One last piece of advice. Be okay if they say “no.” You never know what is going on in someone’s life. They may have a reason for declining that you will never find out about. Personally, I would rather someone tell me that they can’t be a part of my wedding than be there grudgingly and half-heartedly. Either you’re in or your out on this one, bridesmaids.

ps;I;v heard my fair share of bridesmaiding n bestmaiding n being on the other side-briding*.. thus far..challenges yes..regrets not really

ADJUSTMENTS IN MARRIAGE.....the series

I honestly do love marriage adjustment stories..Today i share with us,A friend's adjustment story As narrated by her,written n perhaps exaggerated by me..p
    One of my pointers about adjustments from the good book  last post, did I say “live happily ever after”? Well there are some things that only happen in Disney fairy tales. In real life however, after marriage there are adjustments to be made and not all of them are easy. There are some things you can’t do anymore, some patterns you have to change, some inconveniences you have to adapt to, and so on. Some adjustments can be amusing though, depending on how you manage it. Let me give you some examples of the adjustments we had to make.

The first major adjustment we had was getting used to being with each other most of the time. Before we got married, we used to meet up for limited amounts of time, usually after work or on weekends. Now that we were married, we were spending all our time together. One week after our wedding, we were driving along together in the car when Mr turned to me and said “Babe, I’ve noticed that you have been following me around for the past week. How come?” I saw the funny side and burst into laughter. I replied, “Hello? We are now joined together, who else will I be following around?” Then he saw the funny side too. He explained that as a single guy, he was used to going out and coming in whenever he pleased without a chaperon. Now that he was married, he had to either take me with him, or tell me where he was going. He had to tell me about even a simple trip to the supermarket. I understood that because I was learning to adjust to having him around me all the time too.

DOUBLE BED NAYO?

The second major adjustment was learning to share our personal space. Since we were now married and living together, we had to share a house. And that meant sharing a bedroom, a wardrobe, a bathroom and everything! It was fun moving all our things into our first flat together, putting up photos on the walls and things like that. When it came to sharing the wardrobe space, there were a few disagreements. When I was a single girl, I had my whole wardrobe to myself. I didn’t have to deal with having a man’s shirts, boxers, socks and ties competing for space in my wardrobe. Hubby too had never had to share his space with a woman’s excessive number of shoes and handbags. So we had some disagreements over who had a right to more space. We also had to share a dressing table and a chest of drawers and understandably, there were more arguments. No matter how many times I explained it, hubby didn’t understand why I had so many creams, cleansers, lotions and stuff. I didn’t understand why he had so many t-shirts taking up all the space in the drawers. Thankfully, somehow we managed to fit all our stuff into our room without having too many arguments. And then one funny day, hubby said he discovered feminine stuff in his bathroom. I started laughing and reminded him that he was now living with a woman and it was now our bathroom!
I had another adjustment to make. I had to get used to cooking regularly for two people. As a single girl and a student, I didn't bother to cook much. I ate whatever I had and cooked whenever it was convenient for me. At times I would not bother to cook for many days, relying instead on take-aways and meals I could get on campus. Now that I was married, I had to think of poor hubby’s meals! It meant I had to get into a regular routine of shopping, planning and cooking meals that I had never bothered with doing before. That was a major adjustment for me and I’m sure it is for many newly-wed ladies too.

Then I also had to adjust to my new name as Mrs. This meant I had to go through a lot of my official documents and change my name one by one. I had to change my passport, bank account details, my National Insurance details, driving licence, employer records, phone bill records, redo my CV, update my details on online accounts, etc etc. It took forever and it was a major drag but I had to do it! Even now I still come across some website or document that still needs to be updated.

"Just how difficult is it to find someone to marry???

If there is one question I have asked before,and I have been asked many times is 'How did you know your hubby was the one??My one liner is 'I just knew it'..if you go ahead and ask me to explain..be sure il take an hour of your time to break it down...That's a topic i can write n write n write.n also talk n talk n talk about.story for another day...The other day a close pal of mine sent me a text saying she's read my blog,she likes n she is awaiting for the next blog entry,I texted back thanking her and informing her..lol informing..yes i did that,I informed her that the next blogpost should be from her.She is a lady I know very well,very wise,she stays out of town but I call her for wisdom on some random things(Those one's for i need wisdom here n now)She always comes through, you'd think she's my mama..so I was sure,will have an awesome read...without further Ado..here goes..

I’ve been wondering about something lately; just how difficult is it really to find someone to marry? I mean, some people have done it twice, some even three times in one lifetime. Then again, some people have died trying.

I’ve heard many single people say how they wish finding a soul mate was as easy for them as it was for Adam and Eve… I probably thought like that too at some point in my singlehood. The whole earth had only one man and one woman. It doesn’t get any more obvious than that. Adam would have fingered Eve out all by himself, and yet God made it even easier by putting Eve in plain sight of Adam as he woke up from his slumber…. Ta-dah! But then Adam and Eve ‘got busy’ and now there are billions of human beings on earth, yet God expects us to choose only one. How is this even remotely possible? How can anyone be sure who the right one is? 

In many ways things have changed since Eden, but in one especially major way, things remain the same. The earth’s population has increased exponentially, but God remains God and trusting Him never grows old! Adam trusted God to bring him the best, and when God brought Eve, Adam was blown away, totally and completely overwhelmed! All he could say was “THIS IS IT!!!! *inserthappydancehere*” (Okay, so maybe that’s what I think he would have said today J)

I remember deciding to trust God for a husband. I figured God knew who is right for me and in His time He would bring us together. It wasn’t easy. The world still had billions of ‘potentials’ in it. Sometimes, I ran ahead of God and decided that I knew exactly who He wanted me to marry… I was SO wrong! Other times, I was horrified when a guy I wasn’t attracted to at all showed interest in me… what if God decided he was the one? Ugh! Well, turns out it wasn’t any of those guys either (phew!) When God finally brought my husband along, it was an Adam and Eve moment (okay, maybe not so dramatic). I knew “this is it!” Was I as excited as Adam? No way! I should have been, but I was mortified… Anyway, that’s a story for another blogJ. Bottom line, God brought me what was good.

Let me finish with the words of Joshua Harris in his book “Boy Meets Girl”:

“When the Maker brings your husband, you’ll be aware that it is He who made you for each other and He who planned your meeting. And in that moment, just as we did [Adam and Eve] you’ll want to sing a song of praise to Him.

“When you know in your heart that you’ve found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, forever can’t start soon enough.”

Tips for planning your wedding - what every bride needs to know

Looks like I take very looong holidays between one blogspot to another.maybe its a a feature of style I'm trying to come uP with..lol
I have been from one wedding to another..from one bridal party to another..lets just say that first quatre of this year has been weddingfull..I even travelled to Tanzania for a wedding..esh...Happened/privileged to be a bestmaid to a friend this past weekend and again will be a bestmaid at  another friends  in 20days time..who does that...will write an article on bestmaiding soon..watch this space..
Today I will write on wedding planning..btw i qualify to be a wedding planner(*self acclaimed)..try me!!I wont dissapoint,i promise..I sijui have 20+ wedding involvement experience and of course I together with hubby planned ours from A to Z..I CAN PROUDLY SAY,iT WAS QUITE THEE WEDDING..iT WAS  A SUCCES.GLORY TO God.story for another day..sooo on to wedding planning..

Not in any particular order but some tips to help you as you plan your big day.
a) Makeup and good hair is a must and it has to be very good. When planning a wedding, you need to ensure that you have your makeup and hair done different, don’t just do it yourself, hire a professional and see yourself looking like a celebrity for one day. Even if you are the type of girl that avoids wearing makeup, take risk and be that glowing bride for one day.please avoid being stingy..you will regret forever!
b) Lighting can break or make your pictures,I would know,Hubby is a professional photographer(www.picturethisstories.com) ensure that it is great. I have seen wedding pictures that suck and they really do, yes it’s not the photographer that was bad, it was their choice of lighting, a lot of brides tend to worry about venue pricing more than the lighting of their venue. You need to ensure that the place you would be exchanging your vows or celebrating your reception is well lit to allow for good photography. The beauty of good lighting can be well reflected in your pictures and everyone not just yourself will be able to tell the difference.
c) A good DJ that knows how to blend old school music with more contemporary ones based on your guest list type. In picking a perfect DJ for your dream wedding, I would say the first thing is to know your guest list, what type of guest are you expecting at your wedding, is it a pure African wedding or a diverse crowd, ensure that your DJ knows how to blend the music to flow in a particular order, you don’t want to have your guests confused during the dance routine, mix up the music and you would have guest talking about your party for years to come.
d) A good and friendly planner(if you are going the planner way) that you feel comfortable talking to at all times: if you see certain behaviours when interviewing them, it’s best not to hire them as your wedding planner, it’s as simple as that. Always ensure that your planner is pleasant and very informative about the whole wedding planning process, ensure you check out their previous work to be on the safe side to avoid confusion.*Same applies to service providers you don't want drama n vindeo..and you are hukus spending alot of money and it should be worth it..
e) Bridal party that you can trust at all times and will do their best to ensure your day is awesome. What more can be said about a bridal party that one can trust, you will need your girls and they should be able to have your back when things go wrong, they should be willing and friendly to help you shop,plan,window shoppe/bargain..lol. Just to name a few.
f) Good food that tastes fresh knowing that your guests will be disappointed if the food isn’t right: Have you ever been to a wedding that the food just wasn’t right, I hate to admit it but a wedding where the food just don’t taste right is not a wedding at all. In as much as your vows have been said and you are now man and woman, your food says a lot about you, your class and whether you care about your guest. You need to ensure that the food that would be served at your reception or during the cocktail hour is fresh and tasty at all times. Don’t forget the drinks too, chilled and one of a kind, you would have your guest saying…Wow!

g) Plan your menstrual cycle to avoid having your period on your wedding day. I have seen brides that fail to plan their menstrual cycle with their wedding dates and end up being very uncomfortable plus stressed out a day before the wedding. If you must mark your calendar for your dream wedding, ensure you plan alongside your menstrual cycle, see a gynaecologist to ensure that no disaster happens on your special day.
h) Relaxation is key on your special day, learn to stress not: I have seen brides that stress out when it comes time to planning their big day. There is no perfect wedding but a creative and unique wedding. Don’t’ fret the small stuff or worry over how the day will play out. 90% of brides who worry about having a perfect wedding end up not enjoying their special day, just learn to breathe and enjoy every moment. You can still check to ensure everything goes well but don’t stress over everything, knowing nothing is ever 100% perfect
i) Respect is Key. Avoid being rude to everyone on your special day, the people in your life that are attending and helping you plan your wedding still deserve for your respect.
j) Creativity: You want your wedding to be unique and different from the other girl next door, try to challenge yourself with your wedding, explore colours and use the best of your imagination, it’s your wedding. Make it the very best you can!

WHILE YOU ARE WAITING-what to do?

I had a conversation with someone and they said this

"I share this because I know I’m not the only woman who has felt this. (If I am, lie to me.) I speak to countless of women who desire relationships, but have nowhere to turn other than work, church, and the internet. I believe there is nothing wrong with any of those arteries to love, but why do we shy away from assisting girlfriends in finding the owner of their rib?It is uncomfortable to discuss singleness and loneliness with married women because a very common response permeated almost every discussion. Oh, enjoy your alone time! Once you get married you will miss your freedom, they would almost always say.

Really?!
I’d trade in my freedom and designer denim for warmth in my bed and the ability to cuddle with something other than my books.
 I’m not suggesting church become a religious Match.com, more than I am desiring the doors of communication to open wide. If Eliezer could match-make for Issac, if Naomi could encourage Ruth to take a risk, and if God’s beautiful analogy for the church is the picture of marriage, why not embrace single girls and discuss desires, demands, and dreams?

The above and some questions i was given to answer made me write the points below on what you could do as you wait.
1. Be what you want to attract.
What type of person do you want in your life? You want a warm, funny, educated person. Ask yourself: Am I that person? Sometimes the qualities we seek in our future partner are things that we also need to work on ourselves. Often I think of God saying, when you hand him over your great big list of wants, ‘okay so you want all this for you, what have you got to offer?’
2. What do I deserve?
You deserve God’s best. When I was born He said ‘I was a good thing’. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am a priceless jewel who should treasured and look after.
If it looks like a skunk, walks like a skunk and smells like a skunk – it is a skunk.  To often we settle for 10% when our 100% is out there waiting for us.
Do not accept: bad behaviour in any shape or form. If he is behaving badly now, what makes you think he will change when you get together?
3. Get busy about life. Meet others who have things in common.
Live life to the fullest. Look at your gifts {usually what people celebrate that you think is nothing} and use them. A little thing can turn into a big thing, if you let God develop it. Know the value of your gift.
Develop your talents and don’t spend time ‘waiting’ around doing nothing, your single years are when you’re most free. You can do what you want, go where you want. Stay busy being purposeful.
‘Occupy until I come’. Luke 19:13.
4. Get into community with people.
God created us to love. Pour yourself out to people/children who need it whether it be your local church, your neighbours or any other group/charity where you can give back,get involved.
5. Build platonic relationships with the opposite sex.
Men are great to have as friends. They have a completely different perspective on life and can often offer practical ways to solve problems. Building platonic relationships helps you learn how to relate to them in a healthy way and understand the male psyche. Men are also great to have around when you have some heavy lifting to do!:):):)
6. Get your house in order.
This includes:
-  your finances: pay off as much debt as you can. No debt? Build up your savings?
- your health: you want to lose those extra 10kgs – go for it, you don’t need a man before you do it.
- career: go for that job, take that extra class; develop yourself.
It’s about having a vision of where you want to go, who you are and where you want to be.  Establish the quality of your life now – it sets the standard for when he arrives.
7. Pray and wait joyfully
Enjoy where you are right now. Pray for your mate. Stop asking for him – pray for him. Have an air of expectancy and stay open to the possibilities of change. 
Never take the day for granted; have an attitude of gratitude’. I’ve mentioned this before but having a daily journal where you record the things you are thank you can really helpful you stay focus on being thankful rather than ‘woe is me’.  Live in the present and stay thankful.
TRY AND WAIT JOYFULLY NOT MISERABLY..OK?

ADJUSTMENTS in marriage (the series..

One day Mr and I went shopping outside our town. It was just before Christmas, about five months after our wedding. At the mall, we bumped into a friend of mine. I decided to hang out with her, since Mr was getting bored already, so we parted ways and agreed to meet in a few hours. My friend and I shopped to our heart’s content and when we got tired; we went to a café and sat down to have a bite and a chat. As we sat down, she turned to me and asked, “So, FG I’ve been meaning to ask you. How is married life?”
I wanted to answer the question honestly, so I told her that married life is a lot of fun, but there are many adjustments to make. She asked me what kind of adjustments, and I told her that they were stuff you would never think of if you were a single girl living on your own and accountable to no one but yourself. I told her, “For example, when we were shopping just now, I had to be mindful about the clothes and underwear I was buying, because someone cares about them”. She found that really funny and said that she couldn’t imagine having to put someone else in the picture when making the smallest decisions such as the clothes she bought or what she wore underneath. I laughed and told her that it does take a long time to get used to.

Apart from that though, there were a few more “inconveniences” we had to work around, for example:

We had to learn to share the television fairly. Who knew that something that sounds so simple in theory can actually be very complicated? Mr and I have very different taste in TV programmes. I like watching dramas and sitcoms, he likes watching wild-life documentaries, sports and news debates. Even when we want to watch movies, his choices are always very different from mine. Cue arguments and accusations such as “change the channel, my show is on now!”….“But you’ve watched that show a hundred times; can I watch my own show now?”….. “Hey, you can’t change the channel; my show comes up in a minute”…… “Can we watch something else?”…… “Babe please change the channel, this show is boring!”…… etc. You get the picture (lol). How we manage to resolve it? Patience, patience, patience and compromise, as in seriously. Recently, reminders and one-hour-later channels have made a big difference too. LOL

One of my hobbies is listening to music. Preferably as loud as possible, with me singing along since I usually know all the lyrics by heart. To me, that’s one of the ways I relax and tune out stress. For example, after a long day at lectures or at work, when I get home, the first thing I do is to put on my CD player or my laptop and turn up the volume. Now this was fine until I got married and I had to factor in somebody else living in the same house as me. I got a shock one day when I was enjoying my music in the afternoon. Mr came into the living room and said I was making noise and he wanted some peace and quiet. I stared at him as if he wasn’t making sense. How could he call my music “noise” and ask me to turn it off? Did he not know that listening to music was one of my favourite things to do? We argued for ages but we still didn’t come to a resolution. I just couldn’t imagine giving up listening to music because of him. He suggested that I should use headphones. I grudgingly obliged but it was just not the same. Now though, I have learnt to leave the room he is in when I’ve got my music playing. And I make the most of it when he is not at home and I can turn it up as loud as I want to!
Something else that needed to be worked out was sharing the chores in the house. In this re gard, I must say I’ve not had much of a problem, as Mr gets stuck in with the housework and he doesn’t leave it all to just me. He doesn’t like dirt and grime so he would rather scrub the tub himself, for example, than wait for me to do it. We’ve got some unspoken rules as to who does what, but they are flexible depending on who got there first. And we don’t have a time-table as such so we just do our chores as and when necessary. Usually on Saturdays, he wakes up before me and starts tidying up and I’ll join him later. And sometimes, I take charge, make a list of what needs to be done and we share both the difficult and easy tasks accordingly. It works well for us right now, but I have a feeling that when we have kids, we will need to be clearer on who does what!

PS:Repping a friendie

THE LADY HER LOVER AND HER LORD

Adjusting to married life was a very interesting process in more ways than one. Sometimes I found myself wondering if every newly-wed couple had to go through the same process of adjusting like we did. And I wished someone could have told me what exactly to expect, so that I would feel like I was better prepared. You know how you ask your friends who recently got married, "So how is married life?" and they just say "It's fine, it's wonderful!". You wish they would say more, but you don't know how to ask. The truth is though, that no matter how much people tell you before, you have to experience some things for yourself.(i will emphasize that to the end,somethings you will learn on your own gurlie..liz ha!!)lol
 Here's an example of something I wish somebody told me earlier.

In my last three years as a single girl, I had developed a close relationship with God. I used to worship, pray and read my bible every day without fail. I enjoyed spending time in my Heavenly Father's presence as much as I could. I could pour out my heart to my God anytime and He always answered me. I always felt that I was God's special daughter and nothing could take away that wonderful relationship from me. God's love and His presence was always around me. My heavenly father was a big guiding factor in everything I did because I always made sure I consulted Him before making any big decisions. He was the main "man" in my life and my world revolved around Him.

A few months after I finished my Masters degree and moved back home, I suddenly noticed something odd. Something was definitely different in my Christian life, God was out! I had gotten so excited about having a new permanent man in my life that I had edged God out and didn't crave His presence anymore. In the middle of adjusting to married life, having a husband and becoming a wife, my heavenly Father had taken a back seat! My time, my focus and my mind was now filled with thoughts of my husband 24/7 that I didn't have time for God anymore. In essence, I had replaced God with hubby. At first I was slightly worried but I didn't know what to do. I didn't think I had done it on purpose, it just happened that way..... I didn't know whether to feel guilty about it or not..... I didn't know whether this was quite a normal thing to happen to other newlywed brides...... I didn't know whether it was just me getting carried away with my new status. So I didn't do anything, I didn't even discuss it with hubby.

As time went on though, I began to question myself. Why have I replaced God with my husband? Isn't that dangerous? Hubby might be a good man and all, but really nobody can and should take the place of God in my life. I couldn't even pray any more because I had lost the urge to! So I started fretting and making myself confused and worried. Until one day I decided to call my pastor's wife to ask her if she had experienced the same thing when she first got married. I hoped she would then be able to give me some advice. When I called the pastor, I asked to speak to his wife but she was not around. He could tell I was distressed about something so he asked what the matter was. I told him everything I had been feeling and surprisingly he laughed! He said it was alright and God understands, and He was not angry with me for working on bonding with my husband. He also said that the fact that I'm worried about it shows that I am missing something, so I should just relax and allow myself to slowly get back in tune with God.
It was such a relief to hear that! Afterwards I went to pray and it was something along the lines of: "Lord please help me, it's no more just me and You, it's now Me, You and Him so I need Your wisdom to guide me so I can balance having both of you in my life".

About a week later, I was chatting online to a friend of mine from uni and she asked me how married life was going. I told her what I had recently prayed about. To my surprise she said that in her fellowship group, there was a newly-wed lady who recently shared with them about going through the exact same thing! The lady said that she also felt guilty for spending all her time with her husband and not enough time with God anymore! I was really glad to hear this. I felt like it was God's way of telling me that I'm not alone and it's quite normal!


Thankfully with time, prayers and patience I got back in touch with God and I've been able to balance both relationships. God now has His rightful place in my life, and hubby has his right place in my life too. Hubby and I now have our separate quiet time with God, and then have our couple time with God together. It makes me wonder though, how much adjusting I would have to do when children come into the relationship and I have to divide my time, attention and focus even more.

PS;dug this out from archives as told by my old friendie :)lol